if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
