Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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