Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
