my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You are the jesus of drinking
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
