He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
