I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
