exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
