i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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