i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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