Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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