She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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