wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
