i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
