just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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