Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
