I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
