By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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