Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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