Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
