Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
