Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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