What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Randomize
