Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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