That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
