You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
