We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
