There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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