I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
