dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
