Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
