i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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