somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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