Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
