Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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