I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Boobs speak an international language.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
