You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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