I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
