so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
