My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
