Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
