I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
