new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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