i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My feet surprised me
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