you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
