normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
