It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
