I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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