Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
