well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm at about main and main street
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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