shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
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Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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