You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
