Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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