I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
