We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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