$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
