last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
