It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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