had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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