Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
it was like having sex with a tree stump
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
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I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
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I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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