I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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