my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
