i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
