You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
