It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
