Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
