So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You ruined the universe
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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