Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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