i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
