I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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